A Gathering
I was recently asked to host a workshop on how to throw a party - with manners and etiquette and protocol. I was so excited because it meant that people are trying to find ways to gather, connect, and eat at the table again - even safely distanced. I daydreamed while I was working on the project - it made me think of all the Pinterest browsing I did and google searching and crafting sites I spent time on these past several months. All sorts of ideas that may never see the light of day. But I have hope. So here are the things that made the workshop delightful.
Invitation. When inviting people to any kind of gathering, it’s an extension of yourself, your home and a level of vulnerability. We let people into the places we live, share our furniture, food, space, and give them a glimpse into what we value and hold dear. It’s a big deal. We extend invitations to people we like, trust, care for and want to know more deeply.
Planning. Beyond the date, time, place, purpose, when planning we think first of those who have been invited. You plan to feed them well so be aware of food intolerances or needs. Make things you like and make well or order take-out that everyone will like. We want guests to feel at home so how will you accomplish that? What will let them know you are so happy they have come? Is it the drinks you have ready upon arrival, introductions to others, inviting them to help in the kitchen? We want to make sure everyone is tended to - will you engage family, other guests and friends to help with this? How?
Connections. We know that conversations are key to getting beyond the surface and people feel welcome when others ask about them, are interested in them and listen attentively while they are speaking. The hosts take the lead here. And invite conversations like this or have a gathering game ready, or conversation starters that help even the most introverted.
Environment. My parents threw a lot of parties. As kids, we were enlisted to clean beforehand and make the place presentable - not perfect. People love being invited into homes - it means they are the inner circle, important to you and valued. The space just needs to be clean and presentable! It matters that you’ve created a good space for conversations - so bring in those goofy chairs and stools and any seating you have - it will be used. Light the place up with string lights and ambience. Flowers, food, things that reveal something about you - your grandma’s vase, dad’s recipe for pot roast - all these things set the stage for the evening together.
Even if the pie is burnt around the edges or you run out of ice, the kids mess-up the table - it won’t matter because the gathering is about the people. You’ve planned for them, for friendship and for love!
You may be wondering about the table settings and etiquette - I suggested a few things with Covid in mind:
greet every guest at the door, take coats, offer a refreshment - wine tea, coffee etc.
introduce people to others so they have someone to chat with while you finish getting ready
gather people’s attention before the meal to welcome, tell a bit about the food, say a prayer and give instructions on how to be served
have food on a buffet, but have people serve ( gloves, masks etc.)
silverware should be wrapped in a lovely napkin with a ribbon or twine around it.
seating should be safely distanced, but cozy in small groups ( 2’s and 3’s)
go around as people are eating to serve drinks, refill cups or bring new ones, take plates away and offer a fresh napkin or handwipes
when the meal is finished gather dishes, people can be in the kitchen to help clean up and chat if you like or put them on coffee and dessert duty
with the meal over, it’s time to do something fun - listen to music, play games, tell stories, dance, watch a video etc.
continue to listen to and engage all who are there and pay attention to those on the edges
as people prepare to leave, it’s nice to send them home with a treat, a note, a token of love that will remind them of the evening together (a recipe, muffins, cookies, quick bread, photo taken earlier in the evening, etc.)
We know that everyone may not be ready to entertain or open their homes yet, but when you can, here are a few ways to gather and rekindle friendships and begin a few new ones! How we gather matters. Our intention should be to build community, let people know they matter, are loved and they are important. It’s time for us to move beyond the surface and go deeper with friends and family - sharing our faith in simple ways that touch lives and make a difference. Bon Apetit! Nushe Jan! Mangia! Buon Apptito!
Peace,
Jane
